The bond between a child and a parent.

By Aisha Bibi

Introduction

In today's world we have fallen into the trap of raising a child by following others’ examples rather than the Qur’an and Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. Not following the true examples has caused us to neglect our children; they are growing up without the correct etiquette and abandoning their deen.

It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq:

“Teach traditions to your children as soon as possible, before opposers (to your beliefs) reach them before you do.”

Unfortunately, most parents are concerned about their child’s future aspirations and success in this life rather than focusing on teaching their children about the hereafter and their deen which will benefit them more. As Allah ﷻ has mentioned in the Qur’an:

“…And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion…”[Surah Āl-ʿImrān 3:185]

Be a good role model to your children, teach them about the deen, the right and wrong and how they can get closer to Allah ﷻ and attain Jannah.

How Can You Build a Relationship with Your Children?

It is said that:

“Anybody who has a child, should, for his/her training, bring themselves down to their level of childhood.”

As parents, take some time out of your day to play with your children, the Prophet ﷺ is an excellent example for how we should treat our children as he loved to play with his grandsons.

However, in reality children are growing out of love for playing as most parents think it’s a waste of time in which they also can’t tolerate, but they forget that playing is extremely beneficial for training and nurturing a child. Such benefits include sharpening their senses, their reactions become quicker and refined and mentally they also learn behaviours such as fairness, showing kindness, and affection. When a child plays, they may lose and not get what they desired which will result in them getting angry, or crying, which is why parents should sit with them and explain to them that it’s fine to lose and teach the importance of learning to accept defeat, and to not feel jealous of another’s victory so later the child becomes humble rather than showing jealousy or anger when things don’t go their way.

Additionally, it also fosters a sense of belonging and makes children feel like they can turn to their parents for support and guidance when needed.

If an infant does not receive high-quality care and love from their caregiver, it will be difficult for them to form friendships and close relationships. They will struggle to care for their own caregivers as they have not established a strong bond with them from early childhood.

Parents should teach their children the importance of kinship. In the Qur’an Allah ﷻ has commanded us:

“… and fear Allah ﷻ through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)…”[Surah Al-Nisā 4:1]

So in order to fulfill this command a parent should help the child by creating a strong attachment and love for their family.

Mercy and Affection Towards the Young

It is narrated from the Prophet ﷺ

“He is not one of us who does not have mercy on our young and does not respect our elders.”[Jāmiʿ Al-Tirmidhī 1919]

As a relationship between child and parent is one of the most precious and beautiful attachments that can be formed. In order to form this, parents should make an effort to talk to their kids, for instance, after they get home from school, inquire about how their day was, what they learned, and who their friends are. Try to engage and be interested in their lives, become their closest friends so they can share, rely on and turn to you in their highs and lows and where the both of you can take care of each other throughout.

A parent should also create a love for deen in their children's hearts by teaching them how to perform wudu, pray Salah and read the Holy Qur’an. Addressing the purpose of these actions, the value of prayer and stories about our beloved Prophet ﷺ will help them develop a strong connection with Allah ﷻ and His Prophet ﷺ.

A parent should try to reward, play and listen to their children by trying to calm them down instead of handing them the phone. As in psychology it has been proven that in order to encourage your youngster to perform better, try praising them with words of encouragement to motivate them to do better in future.

Parents should also show some sort of affection towards their child, Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (RA) narrated that:

Al-ʿAqra ibn Al-Ḥābis (RA) saw Prophet ﷺ kissing Sayyiduna Hasan (RA) and said, "I have ten children but never kissed any of them". Upon hearing this Prophet ﷺ said "Those who show no mercy to others do not receive mercy".[Jāmiʿ Al-Tirmidhī 1911]

This narration demonstrates the value of showing affection to children. As a result, parents should make an effort to show their love for their children by giving them hugs or kisses to reassure them that they are loved and cared for by their parents. Children are very likely to reciprocate their parents' affection.

Children’s Duties Towards Their Parents

In addition, a child's actions and behaviour towards his parents are more important. Showing respect, listening, and caring for them are all a part of the sunnah and it is further mentioned in the Qur'an:

"Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him and be good to parents."[Surah Al-Nisā 4:36]

We don't appreciate the sleepless nights our parents spent looking after us when we were sick or consoled us when we were young and vulnerable. A parent's sacrifices for a child are uncountable. A child should ensure that he keeps his parents happy by not arguing with them or ignoring them, as parents are a precious gift from Allah ﷻ. In the Qur'an, Allah ﷻ has commended us:

"Your Lord has decreed that you shall not worship anyone except Him, and [He has enjoined] kindness to parents. Should they reach old age at your side – one of them or both – do not say to them, 'Uff!' And do not chide them but speak to them noble words. Lower the wing of humility to them, out of mercy, and say, 'My Lord! Have mercy on them, just as they reared me when I was [a] small [child]!'"[Surah Al-Isrā 17:23–24]

Displaying Love Like the Ahl al-Bayt

Parents should also show some sort of affection towards their child, Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (RA) narrated that:

Al-ʿAgra ibn Al-Ḥābis (RA) saw Prophet ﷺ kissing Sayyiduna Hasan (RA) and said, "I have ten children but never kissed any of them". Upon hearing this Prophet ﷺ said "Those who show no mercy to others do not receive mercy".[Jāmiʿ Al-Tirmidhī 1911]

This narration demonstrates the value of showing affection to children. As a result, parents should...

Final Reflections

This is why a child should make sure that they treat their parents with the utmost respect and look after their parents during difficult times like they did for us in our youth, and speak to them with gentleness and a polite tone, when they have concerns. And pray for their good health and happiness.

A child should show affection towards their parents, like Aisha (RA) narrates regarding Fatima (RA) and the Prophet ﷺ that:

"Whenever he went to visit her, she got up to [welcome] him, took him by the hand, kissed him on his forehead, and made him sit where she was sitting."[Sunan Abu Dawud 5217]

This is a great example of how we should always display our love for our parents; it might be as simple as talking to them, keeping them updated on your life, getting them small gifts, and spending time with them.

In today's society, cultivate a relationship with your children so they can carry on your good deeds when you depart from this world. As children are the stems of their parents, the more meaningful lessons you teach them the more that will come your way when you are below the earth desperate for deeds.

As what goes round will always find its ways back.

Aisha Bibi

Trainee Nurse

and Alimiyyah student of

Shaykh Faizulhaq Abdulaziz Hafizahullah